If your reading this
by TTWolf
Summary: Based on the song by Tim McGraw. Jasper goes off to fight in the war, leaving Alice with the promise that he will return. Can Jasper keep his promise? Sucky Summary please read!It's pretty good. Just a one-shot!A/J


**Dedicated to all our solders out there risking there lives for our freedom. **

**Have a tissue ready, you might need it. **

"_I'll be home soon," Jasper whispered softly in my ear. I held him tightly, never wanting to let go, my face was buried in his chest, breathing him in for the last time, "I promise."_

_I couldn't hide the tears that freely fell down my face, wetting Jasper's uniform. He was leaving me, going to Iraq to fight in that god forsaken war. He said he had to do it, it was his job to protect his country, but it wasn't. His job was to stay here with me, to protect me. But after the attacks in New York he and his best friend Emmett felt that it was their duty to do something, to go out and fight. It was wrong, all wrong, but there was no convincing him otherwise. His father, Carlisle fought in the war, as well as his grandfather, and now it was his turn._

"_I love you," I heard him say. I lifted my head from his chest and he gently caressed my cheeks, wiping away my tears._

"_You'll write to me?" I asked him, I needed him to write to me, every day if he could, just so I would know he was safe. _

"_Everyday," he promised kissing my forehead._

"_I love you," It came out barley above a whisper, but he heard me. Taking my face gently in his large hands he brought it up to his, kissing me passionately. My fingers made their way up to his smooth blond hair, pulling him closer to me. His tongue wet my bottom lip and I gladly gave him entrance, I never wanted this kiss to end. I wanted to hold him here forever, never to let go, but all too soon it ended. Jasper pulled away, pecking my lips once, twice, before looking at me. I could see tears forming in his brown eyes, but he never let them fall, he sighed and let me go. All ready I felt empty, like a part of me was just ripped out._

"_This isn't goodbye Alice," he told me, but it looked more like he was trying to convince himself more than me, "I'll be back." All I could do was nod my head, I didn't trust my voice._

"_I love you," I said again._

"_I love you too, Ally," he said, "More than anything." I nodded my head again, sniffing and wiping at more tears._

"_You have to go," I choked. He looked behind him, at the dirty bus waiting for him and the other soldiers who were saying there last goodbyes. Among those soldiers was Emmett, hugging his wife Rosalie tightly to him. Her shoulders shook, and Emmett was biting down on his lower lip, his eyes tightly shut. I looked away from them, giving them their privacy._

"_Yeah," he breathed, closing him eyes and pulling me to him._

_I stood outside my house until the bus disappeared from view. Rosalie had to go inside, unable to stand the sight of Emmett leaving. I could just make out her deathly sobs coming from inside the house. I didn't cry anymore, my face stained with old tears but no new ones formed. I stood there, watching my love leave, not knowing when, or if I would see him again._

**Two years later**

Two years have passed since Jasper left to fight in the war. Two long years. Jasper and Emmett visited whenever they could, coming back for some holidays or even just for a week. It wasn't often and I missed him terribly, despite all the letters we sent each other. I got a letter for him nearly every week, if I was lucky I would get two a week, and there were times when I wouldn't hear from him for at least a month. Those times seemed to kill me, I lived for his letters, and they kept me sane, hearing from him, knowing he was ok. I never felt whole though, there was always a piece of me missing.

Rosalie was taking it worse them me, she wasn't functioning right. Half the time I don't even think she was with us. After a month of them being gone she had to move in with me, I didn't trust her to be alone. There were times when we would be doing daily things, like cooking or shopping, we would be having a good time and things would actually seem normal and then out of nowhere she would just stop, as if remembering something, and just completely burst into tears. It was frightening, and I was thankful that the boy's deployment was almost done and they would be home soon. I was counting the days.

I tried to stay strong for Rosalie and for my unborn child. The last time Jasper came to visit was six months ago and we made the best of our last night together. A month later I found out I was pregnant. Jasper was ecstatic when I told him, promising he'd be home in time for the birth in a few months.

Pulling up into the driveway I got out of the car and made my way to the mailbox, hoping for a new letter. Opening the small compartment I quickly went through all the envelopes. Mostly bills, one for Rose which I knew was from Emmett. My heart sank when I reach the end of the pile and saw there was no letter from Jasper. I sighed in defeat and my eyes stung with forming tears. I was just about to make my way up the drive when I heard someone calling my name.

"Alice!" a familiar voice called. Looking over my shoulder I saw our neighbor, and Emmett's sister, Bella running across her lawn towards me.

"Hey Bella," I greeted once she was in front of me. Next to Rose, Bella was my best friend. She and Edward, her husband, have been a great help with us since the boys left. Edward would always assist us whenever there was something wrong with the house, things that we couldn't do alone like cleaning the gutter, or mowing our lawn, stuff that the men were supposed to do. And Bella was a comfort to us; she would visit at least three times a week, just hanging out and doing girl stuff.

"I think this is for you," she said, a big smile on her face. She extended her hand to revile a white envelope. I greedily snatched the envelope from her, turning it over to see the familiar handwriting.

"The mailman accidentally left it in my mailbox," she explained before I could ask, "I thought you would want it back."

"Thank you," I said hugging her.

"No problem," she said, "I got to go, Edward's going to be home soon and I still have to cook dinner, I'll stop by later."

"Ok, Bye Bells," I called over my shoulder, egger to get inside and read what Jasper wrote.

Walking into the cool house I spotted Rosalie sitting on the couch. The room was dark, the only light coming from the TV in front of her. Her blond hair was pulled up in a messy bun and a blanket was draped over her shoulders.

"There's mail for you Rose," I told her. Without a word she was immediately off the couch, running to where I was. I handed her the letter addressed to her and watched her eyes lit up, she muttered a quick 'Thank you.' and went up the stairs.

I sat on the kitchen counter and gently peeled the envelope open, pulling out a sheet of paper. The paper was wrinkled and dirty, something I was used to and the ink was black. I smiled at Jaspers messy handwriting and began reading the letter.

_My dearest Alice,_

_No words can describe how much I miss you. I'm terribly sorry that it has taken me so long to write to you. Things have been hectic here; I have lost many friends, including Peter. I would never forget that day; he was hit by an IED (improvised explosive device), walked right over it when it blew up, destroying him instantly. Peter was only 23 years old, he had a wife and child, and I can't help but thank god everyday that I'm out here that I have survived this long. I pray that I will return to you soon, how I long to hold you again and kiss you. I hope the babies doing good, I can't wait to see her ( I have a feeling it's going to be a girl), I know she'll be just as beautiful as you._

_The weather here is deadly hot, at least over 100 degrees everyday and it rarely ever cools down at night except for maybe a few degrees, but it's still hot. It makes me miss those cold wet days in Seattle. I'm constantly drenched in sweat and it's horrible, I smell like crap. And you know how when you go to the beach, you get sand all over you after you get out of the water, and when you get home you find sand everywhere, even when you thought you washed it all off. Imagine that, but ten times worse. There's sand everywhere and you always find it in the craziest places. _

_Emmett was shot a week ago in the leg. He's doing better now, he's strong, and I just hope Rosalie doesn't worry too much. How is she by the way? In your last letters you expressed worry for her. Emmett's worried too; he can't wait to be home. I can't wait to be home. A month and two weeks left to go. I feel as if I'm going to go mad if I stay here any longer, I fear I am already mad. I live in constant fear every day; we continually get shot at day and night. Bullets always seem to be whizzing over my head and bombs always seem to be exploding around me, shaking the earth, waking me from my uncomfortable sleep. I've come to learn that you can't trust anyone here, not even the women and children. They seem to know where the bombs are located but they don't tell us, they watch on the sidelines as they go off._

_I love you Alice, so very much, and I think of you all the time, I keep the picture you sent me in my pocket wherever I go, looking at your beautiful face gives me strength. I'll be home soon; I will hold you in my arms and make love to every night. We will make many babies and live to see our grandchildren, just wait. Thank you for all letters and packages, the other troops are always trying to steal the Cheetos you send me, but don't worry, I've learned to hide them well. Thank Rosalie for me, for sending me that Snuggie, even though it's hot as balls out here, it's comfy, Emmett never takes his off. Oh, look in the envelope, there's something there for you._

_I love you always,_

_Jasper 11/5_

I wiped away the tears that fell down my face. The letter was sent two weeks ago. My poor love has endured so much; he's been through hell and back and I feared he would never be the same again. And poor Peter, Charlotte must be a wreck right now. I made a mental note to call her soon, we've actually became good friends because of Jasper and Peter. I picked up the envelope and peeked inside to see a small white paper, with something written on it. My brows furrowed in confusion as I pulled it out and noticed it was a photo of Jasper and Emmett. Jasper was sitting down on the sand it what looked to be a camp; Emmett was towering over him, his arms outstretched at his sides flexing his muscles, a big shit eating grin on his face. Jasper's knees were bent, his arms resting on them as he smiled to the camera. He was dressed in his uniform; they both were, with helmets squishing the hair. They were dirty, like they haven't bathed in months, which was probably the case. And I noticed a red Snuggie draped over one of Emmett's arms. I had to laugh at that, a big man like Emmett with a Snuggie, but hey whatever floats his boat. My eyes drifted back to Jasper's form, he looked tired, large bags formed under his brown eyes, and his smile was lazy. I missed him so much, he needed to come home already, but like he said, it was just one more month. I flipped the photo over to read what was scripted.

_I know it's not much, but I though you would enjoy it. I'll see you soon, love you._

_-Jasper_

**1 month and 1 week later**

**December 19****th**

Today was the day! Jasper was coming home! Everyone was here to welcome back the boys: Edward, Bella, Jasper's parents, Emmett's parents, we were all here. All the girls were bustling around the kitchen, having planned a large home cooked meal and the boys were in the living room watching some sports channel. I was bouncing around all over the place, to say I was excited was an understatement, I was completely ecstatic. Jasper was finally coming home. I would finally be able to hold him and never worry about something bad happening to him again. It was a relief.

I had to take a break from cooking and cleaning though. My belly was huge and my ankles were swollen. I flopped on the couch next to Edward, feeling the relief on my back and feet. I caressed my large belly, Jasper had been right, I was having a girl and I couldn't wait to tell him. Edward put his hand on my knee, giving it a squeeze.

"You excited?" he asked, as if it wasn't obvious.

"Cant you tell?"

He chuckled, shaking his head and focusing his gaze back on the TV.

It was eight o'clock at night, and the boys should be arriving any minuet now. I couldn't sit still, I was so anxious to see Jasper. Out of nowhere Rosalie's voice filled the house, "They're here!" I was up in a matter of seconds, Rosalie already had the door flung open and was running out to meet Emmett. She all but tackled him when she reached him; he actually stumbled, but quickly regained his balance, holding her upright. I could hear her sobs and Emmett's voice softly whispering to her as they held each other. My eyes were dead set on Emmett's white jeep, waiting for the passenger door to open to reveal my love. Before I could get the words out i heard Jasper's mother's voice ask from behind me, "Where's Jasper?"

Emmett slowly pulled away from Rose, a sullen defeated look on his face. _No_, I thought. He walked over to me, his eyes on the grass never meeting mine. _No, no_. I shook my head, a lump formed in my throat and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"Alice," Emmett whispered once he reached me, my head continued to shake back and forth; I didn't want to hear this. He reached over and placed both his hands on either side on my face, holding me in place, making me look up at him. His brown eyes were tormented with unshed tears, "Alice, listen to me," he said.

"No," I choked, tears blurred my vision. I couldn't see anything; I didn't want to see anything.

"Alice, I'm so sorry," and that's all it took. I broke down, my knees collapsed under me, if would have fallen if it wasn't for Emmett, who caught me and crushed me to his massive chest. Sobs exploded out of my throat as I help on tightly onto Emmett. Jasper was gone, he wasn't coming back.

"It was a week ago," Emmett began to explain softly in my ear, but I could barley comprehend what he was saying, all I knew was that Jasper wasn't coming back, "we were attacked at night."

"No, no no," I kept repeating over and over again. Jasper, my Jasper was dead. He wasn't coming back, he wouldn't hold me anymore, and he wouldn't see our child. He lied to me.

"He was shot in the chest," Emmett continued, squeezing me tighter, "He tried Ally, he fought so hard, but he couldn't...he didn't make it." Another sob broke through my chest, my poor love. He was shot, one week before he was supposed to come home! I felt anger boil through me at those bastards who killed him. They took my love away from me. I also felt anger towards Jasper, how could he just give up like that, how dare he, he promised. He promised he would come back to me.

"He wanted me to give you this," his words brought me back from my mangled thoughts. Jasper left me something. I pulled away from him, sniffling and wiped my eyes. Emmett reached into his back pocket and pulled out a white wrinkled envelope. I took it with shaking fingers and held it close, "He wrote it after you told him you were pregnant, he said if anything ever happened to him, I should give it to you." All I could do was nod my head and slowly made my way back into the house.

I was numb as I walked inside, and up the stairs. I could barley make out the broken sobs of Esme down stairs, but I ignored it, closing the door to my bedroom and locking it. I sat on my bed for a moment; my eyes were closed as I tried to take long even breaths. I needed to be calm; all this stress wasn't good for the baby. But it was hard, my love was gone. This brought on a fresh way of tears.

"Why Jasper, why?" I sobbed, "You promised." My chest swelled up and it hurt to breath. But it only lasted for a second before I was completely engulfed in a wave of peace. I opened my eyes and looked around the room, feeling an odd presence. I suppressed a shudder as I opened the envelope, pulling out two pieces of paper. Again i was hit with the familiarity of Jasper's handwriting. My eyes scanned the letter and i could feel my heart slowly breaking.

_My dearest Alice,_

_If you're reading this  
And My mama's sitting there  
Looks like I only got a one-way ticket over here  
I sure wish I could give you one more kiss  
And war was just a game we played when we were kids  
Well I'm laying down my gun  
I'm hanging up my boots  
I'm up here with God  
And we're both watching over you_

Jasper's voice filled my ears as I read the letter; it was like he was sitting next to me, reading it for me. My mind just wasn't grasping what was happening, I couldn't make out the words on the paper and Jasper was helping me.

_So lay me down  
In that open field out on the edge of town  
And know my soul  
Is where my momma always prayed that it would go  
And if you're reading this  
I'm already home_

_If you're reading this  
Half way around the world  
I won't be there to see the birth of our little girl  
I hope she looks like you  
I hope she fights like me  
Stands up for the innocent and the weak  
I'm laying down my gun  
I'm hanging up my boots  
Tell dad I don't regret that I followed in his shoes_

I felt my baby kick inside me at his words. I couldn't believe this. I tore my eyes away from the paper, I couldn't read this anymore. I was crying so much, my eyes wouldn't open and my nose was all clogged up. But the words never stopped, I could still hear Jasper's voice, softly reading to me the words.

_So lay me down  
In that open field out on the edge of town  
And know my soul  
Is where my momma always prayed that it would go  
And if you're reading this  
I'm already home_

_If you're reading this  
there's gonna come a day  
when you move on and find someone else  
and that's okay_

I completely lost it then, how could he ever think for one second that I would ever love someone else. It was imposable, Jasper was my life and there was no one else who could even compare to him. His voice intensified at the next part, as if he was trying to convince both of us.

_Just remember this  
I'm in a better place  
Where soldiers live in peace  
And angels sing Amazing Grace_

_So lay me down  
In that open field out on the edge of town  
And know my soul  
Is where my momma always prayed that it would go  
And if you're reading this  
If you're reading this  
I'm already home_

I felt a small pressure in my hand causing me to look down at it. I nearly gasped at the sight, there was a hand on top of mine, though it was faded and some what transparent, but it was still a hand. I looked up and froze, staring straight into the eyes that I thought I would never see again.

"Jasper?" I whispered. This wasn't real, Jasper was dead, he couldn't be here. But again he wasn't really here, I could see through him. He was more dreamlike then real. It was just something my imagination conjured up. He still wore his uniform, but he looked clean and his eyes were no longer frightened. He smiled gently at me and motioned towards the letter still in my hands. I reluctantly looked down at it and read the words as Jasper spoke them.

I let you down, and I'm so sorry. How I wish that I could see you one last time, but unfortunately that is not in the cards for me. But always know that I am always with you, we may be a thousand miles apart, but I'll always be with you, watching over you with the angels in heaven. Though I can tell you know that none of them will be able to compare to your beauty. Take care of our baby Alice, your going to be a great mom, and look after Em and Rose for me. And always remember that I love you, you are my life, and I'm proud to call you my wife. We'll see each other soon, but until then, take care of yourself.

I love you always,

Jasper

I glanced back over at Jasper but he wasn't there and I felt the over whelming pain in my heart. I was alone. Lying on my side, i curled up into a ball and cried myself to sleep.

**Two weeks later**

**December 31**

The sky was filled with heavy rain clouds, and the air was crisp, stinging my cheeks. I was dressed in all black, everyone was. We stood in a large field in front of a polished wood casket. The casket that held my loves sleeping form. An American flag was draped over the casket. Soldiers with rifles stood on either side of it, there faces all held the same serious expression. Emmett was one of them; he stood at the front, looking sophisticated in his uniformed. Rosalie stood next to me, tightly holding my hand as she cried silently. I didn't cry, all my tears were gone.

The preacher spoke, but I didn't hear a word he said, my attention was on the casket in front of me and the marble rock that stuck out of the ground. Esme was sobbing openly a few feet away from me, her husband holding her while he held back tears of his own. The preacher said something that made everyone react. One by one Jasper's friends and family stepped forward and laid a single red rose on top of his casket, some whispering words of prayer. When my tern came, I slowly made my way towards the casket, I placed my rose next to all the other's and bent over to lay a gentle kiss on it.

"Goodbye," I whispered. As I turned to leave something caught my eye. A few yards away, standing among the many tomb stones, was Jasper. Again he had on his uniform, and when he met my gaze, he smiled. I toke a step back, away from the casket, just as the guards lifted there rifles into the air and rand one last shot. And that was when I cried, there shots felt like bullets into my heart. But I didn't break down; I held back my tears, letting only a few drop.

The guests were leaving now, after saying there last goodbyes. Jasper's casket was now buried deep into the dirt. Emmett walked over to me, and handed me the folded up flag that was draped over the casket. Through my peripheral vision, I could see Jasper standing next to me. I took the flag from Emmett, holding it close to my chest.

"Thank you," I managed to say. He nodded, looking away, his face wet with tears. I placed a hand on his massive shoulder, bringing his attention back to me, "He was lucky to have a friend like you, thank you for being there for him when I couldn't." a sob escaped from his chest, and he pulled me to him, crushing me into his chest. For the first time since I've known him Emmett cried, he held onto me as if for dear life, sobbing into my shoulder. I tightly closed my eyes, fighting back my tears, and rubbed Emmett's back.

"I'm so sorry Alice," He apologized, "I'm sorry I couldn't bring him home to you."

"It's not your fault," was all I could say. It took a moment for Emmett to regain himself, and when he finally did, he kissed my cheek before waling away with Rosalie.

I walked to Jasper's tomb stone, staring down at the pale marble.

"You have to go," I said. Jasper looked up into the distance at something I could not see.

"Yeah," he breathed, taking a step forward, "But remember this isn't goodbye."

"I love you," I whispered one last time.

"I'll always love you Alice" he said, before disappearing for good.

**Wow....**

**That was really hard to write, I had to stop a few times because it got a little to emotional for me. To clarify a little when Alice is reading the letter, Jasper's supposed to be sitting next to her, reading out loud what he wrote. **

**The song is based by the Tim McGraw song, If your reading this. It's a beautiful song, you should really listen to it as you read this, or after. **

**So Review, and let me know what you think.**

**For those of you who are reading my other story, ****Angelo custode****, I'm sorry I know I should be updating that, but I really wanted to get this story out. And for those who haven't read my other story, you should go check it out:D**

**Review!!!**


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